![]() ![]() “So the fact that we have a lot of support around us, that’s not accidental - it’s intentional,” he says. “Biff and I, both being from really conservative small towns, we know in our bodies what it means to not have support because we lived in those worlds, we lived in those communities,” Reese says. Reese and Chaplow were determined from the beginning to surround themselves with that love and support. “Kids being surrounded by love and support, and really clear boundaries, and really good role models for what it means to be a healthy, loving person who is living a life of meaning: that’s what we know really contributes to kids feeling strong, safe, secure in their lives,” Reese says. Having fun and going on adventures together.”Īs parents, Reese and Chaplow knew what their kids needed. Instead of stressing about every minute of screen time or worrying if one of the kids skipped eating a vegetable, they realized that “what really matters is making awesome memories. “We grew so much in those five years,” Reese says about the time between the adoption and Leo’s birth. I won’t say that we knew what we were doing, but at least we knew kids could survive our parenting.” It also didn’t hurt that Leo was, as Reese says, “a super chill baby.” It was just a huge, huge, huge difference. “And also starting with a newborn as opposed to toddlers, because were one and three when they first came to stay with us. “Going from zero to two kids overnight is very different from going from two to three with lots of lead time,” Reese says. With Leo, however, they were able to do things on their own terms. “We quite literally had to prove ourselves in very meaningful and obvious ways.” And they’re looking at our credit card statements, they’re interviewing our doctors and bosses and touring our home, looking under our sink and double-checking the fire extinguisher in the kitchen,” he says. “We had lawyers and judges, social workers and investigators. When Reese and Chaplow were going through the process of adopting Lucas and Hailey, they literally had to prove themselves as worthy, capable caregivers. That’s not to say parenting didn’t come with challenges. Reese utterly dismantles the argument that children cannot thrive without a mother and a father at home. While “gay trans man has a baby” is what will draw many people to this book, inside, there is much to learn about how to be a parent, a partner and a member of a supportive community. When Reese and Chaplow decided to go public with their story, media outlets clamored to tell the story of the pregnant man.Īnd now Reese is telling his own story in his memoir “How We Do Family: From Adoption to Trans Pregnancy, What We Learned about Love and LGBTQ Parenthood.” Spoiler alert: this is a love story upon a love story. ![]() And in 2017, he gave birth to the couple’s baby boy, Leo.Īnd this, well, blew some people’s minds, for better and for worse. Reese, who was born female, carried the child. The two were still in their 20s when they adopted Chaplow’s niece and nephew, who needed a stable home.īut after five years, when Lucas, now 13, and Hailey, now 10, had settled into their home and Reese and Chaplow had gotten the hang of being parents, they decided to have another child. ![]() But Trystan Reese, now 38, and his husband Biff Chaplow, now 35, who call themselves “the accidental gay parents,” became dads early in their relationship. By the next day, they were parenting two toddlers. ![]()
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